This gist of this is: my year-plus relationship just ended rather abruptly when my girlfriend cheated on me, physically and emotionally, with our executive manager at work (who I consider to be a friend of mine). Let me go a bit more into detail just to get this out of my system. I have already whined about it enough to my friends that it is become beyond embarrassing to bring it up. Very difficult break-ups are a trend for me, and I am coming to the conclusion that I am in dire need of therapy. Anyways, here we go -
I met her a year-plus ago at work, she was very pretty but was very obviously attracted to anything that moved, male or female. Friends and strangers alike. I should have known better when I took her down to visit my friends at school and she was looking at them in ways that made me uncomfortable. Now, I am not a terribly jealous individual. In fact, I've had partners who cheated on me, and I have unanimously forgiven them and let by-gones be by-gones, but it is a different story with my friends. I perceive that as being one of the most heinous things a person can do in a relationship, but I'll move on.
She is not terribly intelligent, hasn't been to college, has a very intense sexual history involving lots of threesomes and her almost joining into a polygamist relationship with some folks in San Francisco. I keep myself busy with work and school. She has had the opportunity to go to college the past two semesters but instead decided to get a nose job and waste her time dicking around posting a billion pictures of herself on myspace from the exact same angle. She is enamoured by attention from males, and it is all too obvious to me that she uses myspace as a sort of fantasy world to engage in constant flirting with every guy who tries to add her on there - now, this normally wouldn't bother me if she actually didn't actively go out and meet these guys.
It has been suggested to me that she saw motivation in me and she was jealous. I don't know the merits of that statement, but I am pretty sure that the pattern of cheating and betraying me that she took definitely falls in step with this theory.
The first major crisis came when she left me for a different one of my friends who worked at a local bar. I introduced the two of them, and he was a musician which definitely added to his allure. When I would bring up the fact that I was paranoid about her wanting all of my friends, she would deny it, but when she got the opportunity to sneak off and see him, she did. I knew it happened because she only frequents gay bars, and on this occasion she went to a regular bar and it kind of weirded me out. It was to meet him, who had been coming onto her via myspace. After a weekend of making love, she said she wanted to be single, but I got it out of her that she was leaving me for Phil, my friend. I was heartbroken for awhile, but met someone else. This bothered her immensely.
She had power over me that the new girl did not, and she took advantage of it. I was having severe panic attacks regarding her presence, to the point where I couldn't be around her for more than 20 minutes at a time without having to leave, but I broke myself in and let myself fall in love with her again.
She promptly started treating me like crap again, and I immediately recognized it. We broke up, she got jealous, and did the same thing again.
Now, here we are at the point with my boss. She has generally been a die-hard anime fan, with posters all over her walls. I'm not really a huge fan, but i respect it. She says she wants to take the posters down. Now, this is my first clue as to what is going on. I go visit her for the weekend, and is great, we're making love the whole time, and when I go to leave, I'm kind of procrastinating but she encourages to hurry up and go. This doesn't make sense to me. My bullshit alarm is blaring, but I leave and feel like an idiot.
She leaves a couple days later. Well, its more like I dump myself, but that's beside the point (the most insulting thing ever, by the way, and I have to do it every time with her).
I write her a nice good-bye letter, but something isn't right. I confront her about it before letting her go, and she admits that she left me for my other friend, our boss, and that she had cheated on me with him almost immediately. It makes sense why she took down the anime posters, since he had a relatively well paying job and doesn't like that ****. I am a decent looking guy, but is better looking and drives a cool car, the whole nine yards.
It is obvious that she is not right for me. That doesn't change the fact that I have very little self-respect, and am absolutely in pieces. I am self-medicating like crazy with alcohol, which needs to end. It is the cycle of leaving me and then drawing me back in that is the worst part.