While it may be unfashionable to be engaged for several years, while The Wedding Industry may promote the myth that "engagement means you set a date (plunk down $$$ for a deposit) and start planning your wedding (buying stuff)," the fact of the matter is that engagement is for MARRIAGE planning -- not...
Best answer: While it may be unfashionable to be engaged for several years, while The Wedding Industry may promote the myth that "engagement means you set a date (plunk down $$$ for a deposit) and start planning your wedding (buying stuff)," the fact of the matter is that engagement is for MARRIAGE planning -- not WEDDING planning. While The Wedding Industry insists (based on what?) that engagement is NOT "marriage lite," that is EXACTLY what engagement is -- the period when a pair "tries on" couple-hood and all that goes with it, like having in-laws, like budgeting/spending/saving together, like formulating their own way of CONSTRUCTIVELY dealing with the differences and frustrations of shared lives. My thought is that if an engagement isn't broken off at least once, then the couple isn't really doing the serious work of MARRIAGE planning.
Couples don't have to agree on everything, but they do have to agree on how they're going to handle things when there's disagreement.
This isn't a question of you giving him another chance or him giving you another chance, but a question of both of you giving the relationship another chance. A good relationship is where BOTH people are ready and willing to sacrifice for the other, ready and willing to say "This seems to be more important to you than it is to me, so I'll go along with you want -- I still won't like it much, but I'll go along with it for love of you." A not-good relation is where EITHER person is ready and willing to demand sacrifice from the other.
So if either of you is in favor of ending the relationship over ONE out-of-control disagreement, do it. But if both of you want to dig into the hard work or LEARNING how to handle disagreement constructively, the hard work of LEARNING how to function as a loving couple, then get back together and get to work. But don't even THINK about starting the exciting whirl of wedding planning until you've spend a few years marriage planning and have things like budgeting, in-law dynamics, and various other "these are the rules we follow to make our marriage work" strategies tested and working well.
7 days ago