You were married at one time, you have this to your advantage. Also, you say you have been paying regular child support, so you are doing your part, even though your marriage ended before the child was born !! (Good job, Buddy !!) In the USA, divorced parents can fight things out in court. If you lived here, you could petition a judge to hear your case. Yes, it makes trouble for the other parent, but isn't there trouble there already ? If you are questioning her child-rearing (and you DO have an issue), you need to talk to your attorney, and take her to court. You've been making the child support payments, and you DO HAVE A SAY, even if you left before the baby was born. I think maybe your ex has some serious separation issues. Maybe the judge will agree with that, and suggest counseling for her and the boy, as well as separate beds. Good luck.