Is it really wrong or messed up to enjoy torturing bugs?

I cry when I see animals in pain, or worse, dead. Even if it's a possum, which I HATE. But sometimes I can't help playing around with or torturing bugs. At work I would get REALLY annoyed at flies buzzing around, so I'd take a cup lid and trap them so they couldn't fly. One day I was moving it... show more I cry when I see animals in pain, or worse, dead. Even if it's a possum, which I HATE.

But sometimes I can't help playing around with or torturing bugs. At work I would get REALLY annoyed at flies buzzing around, so I'd take a cup lid and trap them so they couldn't fly. One day I was moving it around and watching the fly get tossed and turned. Today at work I trapped a bug under a cup, and used the rounded bottom to decapitate it. It was fascinating...its antenna kept moving and was moving the head around...I don't know why I enjoy it so much. I find it fascinating to watch how bugs will act, relying on instinct and how their bodies respond to death situations differently than us. I don't know WHY. I feel like Josef Mengele. I feel disgusting for finding it fascinating. And I know that torturing helpless creatures is one of the many signs of antisocial personality disorder and frankly that just makes me feel sick.

I don't do this often, but when the opportunity arises I take full advantage of it. Is this messed up or what? I hate it.
Update: The first signs of a murderers are killing/torturing small animals during youth.

Hence my mention of antisocial personality disorder, smart one.
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