Im at my breaking point! What should I do?
My life is meaningless, I do not feel happy, nor I can make others feel so.
I ditched school.. for like a term already. I'm not comfortable seeing people, or being in the middle of the class, I somehow become a very anti-social person more than I already was. And since then, I stopped going to school or anywhere else out. I don't even know where this unwanted stupid feelings come from, I hate that I have to feel this way. I don't usually give a damn about this stuff. But now, to be honest, I no longer value what I have learnt at school. I mean, like those complicated mathematics, complex algebraic equations, and functions, etc... I never aim to be a mathematician! What are these going to do me help? In count of weeks, I'll forget them anyway? And what's worse, I wasn't taught how to apply this stuff to everyday life _which means it won't be any use at all to the likes of me. And, I've been bothered by this, solely because I wanted to finish my year 11 and study abroad. But none of this is going to happen if I don't start changing myself --which I don't know how!
It's a mess to begin with, my family.. we really aren't meant to be together. To one another, our personalities are natural enemies. But thanks to this, my relationship with my parents is getting worse. My mom kept on getting mad at me everyday for the fist 3-4 weeks. But then, she started to ignore me at all, we didn't exchange a word since that day.
I've decided to go back to school on Monday, but it was no good. I felt like puking all the way, I had a headache, and I don't enjoy school and not the least bit. I don't know why this happened to me..? I only have 7 friends in the class that day (one was absent, 2 transferred school -one of the two is my crush, so I kinda have this big hole in me). I have a close friend since elementary 6, we've been classmates for over 9 years. I think that's the only person around me who cares, but I still feel completely alone. I used to be bullied through out grade five and six AND with no reason at all. May be I was really quiet in the class that makes me an easy target or something. They no longer bully me, argh I just don't understand myself. I'm frequently feeling this way and talk randomly about sad stuff, may be the loads are just piling up in me. I don't know, I wish I could throw all these useless feelings. I wanted to keep it at least until the end of grade 11. I need to catch up and stuff, and yeah, thinking about it has been a lot of pain already.
Please help me!! I'm really lost!! What am I suppose to do? Advices, opinion, anything.. anyone?
I suggest you not to say things like "Share your feelings to your parents, may be they'll understand and find a way out for you.. " or such. Please, they're not the kind of parents I can talk to. My dad is a cold person at times, he doesn't even think that to live on we need friends. I told him about the bully when I was 11 but he only end up getting mad at me. And I cried, which was embarrassing. Plus he has this high blood pressure that makes him harder to approach. I often get mad at without any reason! While my mom, she can never be "a friend" or a "listener". She'll cut me off in my second sentence and start blurting me things she thinks are right, making a clear speech against me, and digging up all my badness. Whenever I speak to her, it has always been closed with some argument fights. No problems will be solved, there'll just be a new one.
I can't share it to my close friend either. Truthfully speaking, we're just bond because there is no better companion for the two of us. We have limited students in our class, so no other choice is left. More over, I've turn down all the questions I don't wish to answer. Tending to forcefully require an answer to what's happening WHEN I do not yet wish to share is just too demanding. Well, she's always been like this.. It will make me feel easier to speak up if I were told "I'm always here to listen to you" instead of being pushed.
I undergo a persistent sadness, frequent crying, depression, loss of enjoyment in favorite activities, frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches or stomach aches, low energy level, poor concentration, complaints of boredom, major change in eating or sleeping patterns. All of these are the symptoms of Bipolar II disorder. But I can't tell for sure, where should I go to te
But I can't tell for sure, where should I go to te...
test whether I am suffering from a Bipolar? It's not common here in my country and not many people are aware of it. What kind of psychologist/doctor specialist should I go?
For those who inserted their e-mails along, please don't feel offended if I weren't to come up to say something. I appreciate it, I'll see if I have some time to chat.