Stripping behind my boyfriend's back, not cheating...forgivable?
He knew I was a dancer before we got together, but at the time of us getting together I was cocktail waitressing. I moved to be with him over six months ago to a different state (las Vegas) here the economy isin the toilet, luckily for him he has a college education and a 'real' job.
He wanted us to split the bills but with me being out of work for almost two months while job hunting it was hard, I finally just ended up getting a job cocktail waitressing at a strip club. My boyfriend was fine with it. It became hard to make my side of the bills and pay for my have of vacations we took together on the cocktail waitressing job unless I was working 5 days a week and graveyard shifts.
One night I just truly didn't want to got to work and was curious about how much money I could make dancing in Las Vegas...as everyone knows is the 'club' capital of the world. So I went to a bigger club, auditioned and started dancing, making faaaar more money than waitressing, to the point where I only had to work 2-3 days a week to have money for bills and then some. Which enabled me to pay for and start going back to school and to spend more time with my boyfriend.
I've been doing this for a few months, and guilt has been creeping in because I truly hate lying. Also tax season will soon be upon us and I know my bf (who has a degree in accounting) will want to do my taxes for me. I know I'll have to come clean soon.
How bad of a person am I? Will he/could you forgive me? Does it differ strongly from a MAN sneaking off to a club to pay for lap dances behind a girlfriends back...like a double standard? Should I not tell him at all for fear of breaking his heart and just end the relationship due to my lies?
I want to point out I've NEVER cheated on him, never kissed, touched inappropriately or been touched. I love him, yet i've been lying to him, I know it's still wrong.
I'd really appreciate adult opinions, please just don't call me a 'slut' for what i'm doing. :(
He still thinks I work at a different strip club but just cocktailing.