Depressed about being an ugly woman?

I know how to deal with these things.I'm not in highschool any more. But suddenly I'm feeling really depressed (suicidal) because of this. Don't tell looks don't matter - maybe for men, not for women. I've been facing shït because of my ugly face even when i was a toddler There's just... show more I know how to deal with these things.I'm not in highschool any more. But suddenly I'm feeling really depressed (suicidal) because of this. Don't tell looks don't matter - maybe for men, not for women. I've been facing shït because of my ugly face even when i was a toddler

There's just nothing special about me. Whenever I'm in a room with other women, usually everyone's at least better looking than me. If ever a guy has to "choose" women he likes, from a group of women, I'll be the last [these things have happened to me many times].

When I was a kid, my own dad ruined my self confidence. He would always "visibly" lust after pretty women (Blondie, blue eyed, White skin). I don't look like that. I'm an Asian girl - but I'm not even pretty for being Asian. Nothing about my body is good. I had an emergency appendicitis surgery that left marks on my stomach too

I know how to live with it. I've been dealing with this for more than 20 years. But it has started troubling me all of a sudden. I feel like Killing myself. I wish i could attract all men towards me.

My looks are ruining my life. I'm studying at a good Uni and aiming to work for STEM. I have many "friends", my own apartment, my own car (purchased by my own money)

But I wish I could end up dead so nobody had to see my ugly face ever again. Whenever someone meets me they talk about my career, nobody talks to me like they do to beautiful women. Why can't they treat me like a "sexy woman" for even 1 day? What's my mistake?
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